Some of you may have heard of the Spoon Theory. It’s is a blog that went viral by Christine Miserandino I linked it at the bottom. From Wikipedia- She used spoons to provide a visual representation of units of energy that a person might have and how chronic illness forces her to plan out her days and actions in advance, so as not to run out of energy, or spoons, before the end of the day.[1]
Some of you may start your day with 50, 25, 18 spoons. I usually have about 6-8.
Each activity, event, or choice I make takes a spoon. Whether I like it or not. It’s the cards dealt to me about 8 years ago after a rough flare up with mono kicked up about 4 auto immune issues in my body. They aren’t leaving me. My days are run by this.
Doctors appointments, pharmacy calls, pick ups, insurance debates and calls, coupons for prescriptions, changing pharmacies when one isn’t in stock or they don’t carry it, speciality pharmacies, new insurance or after divorce, no insurance, and procedures and pre-approvals for procedures and labs.
Spoons used for daily things that most don’t even consider like deciding to shower, to wash my hair or not; takes a spoon. Deciding to use one to put on make up, work, clean, cook, kids medical or hospital stuff doctors appointments, grocery shop, go to lunch or dinner, takes spoons. Even things that sound relaxing like getting my nails or hair done, holidays, or travel; all take spoons. It’s taxing whether it’s fun or chores. There is the same fatigue afterwards.
Sometimes I borrow spoons from the next day or even the week coming up because I get excited or need to do things for my kids or other people. I want to. What that means is the next the days or week are spent having none. When there are none left, I lay sick; the bed, couch, more meds, and issues own me. It’s not one nap and rested up. My only control of this is who and wear I spend or give my spoons. I have friends who understand, friends who say they understand, and friends who are almost invisible now.
From the end of 2018 to the beginning of 2020, I exhausted every spoon with horrible discoveries that my “great” marriage was a sham and I was married to a pathological liar who was seeing another women for a while and many other unresolvable things. It ended in divorce mid 2020.
Why do I tell you this drama? Because the man that went through my diagnosis, acceptance, and learning curve with me, is now taking full advantage of knowing this about me and attempting to control my life from a distance because I refused to stay married to him after a laundry list of wrong doing. Just wrong.
In short, this week. I have to use spoons to compile emails to prove that I repeatedly offered our landlord rent money on a little place my ex rented for me during our separation. But ex decided to terminate the lease with landlord behind my back for zero reason. It’s one more form of his control. He promised me the landlord would work with me in an email. The landlord said he needed written permission from ex.
Over several months the narrative has changed repeatedly by my ex in emails but the landlord has stood his ground in not speaking to me even though I am on the lease. It is all so odd.
I have to be at an eviction hearing in 3 days with a landlord that is refusing to take a rent check from me simply because of some narrative from my ex husband that I do not know other than he terminated a lease that I am also on with the man. The landlord will not take my money or communication. Sound crazy? That’s all I know. I have rent money for this landlord but he is evicting me.
Yet, most annoying is knowing that going to court is using a spoons. Printing all this evidence is using spoons. Moving is using too many spoons.
There simply isn’t anyone that knows this better than my ex who pretended to understand and have the deepest sympathy for me all those years. He knows the impact of this which gives you a good start to the type of man I found out he was a couple of years ago.
There is so much more. This is just one move. He has crippled me financially while pretending to be helpful in front of others. He has adjusted and changed every agreement originally put in place. My medical issues and bills alone have nearly double during this tension and lose of insurance.
I will not silence myself while he acts like some kind of new changed man any longer. It is not okay. His lies have not stopped, they have changed.
~I do not take lightly to people controlling and wasting my spoons. I have had enough. I will use them this week for court. I will be there.
This will not go well for the people stealing them.
https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
Seriously, people. 