I Had a Virus…My Life Was Stolen.

I am one of “the weakened”….

Listen.

I Unfriended, not snooze or blocked or hid for 30 days….a good friend of mine that I grew up with this morning. She doesn’t want to sit in her house or wear a mask any longer. She’s tired of it. She’s made it clear in a few posts on social media.

As a matter of fact, recently, I think I’ve unfriended about 30 people. One was a cousin of my mothers that I was always told was a “sweetheart”. But she is just not “falling” for this hoax of a virus.

Y’all. You know what gets really exhausting????? Being sick.

Try to remember; I have seen some of my friends post about having the flu or a minor surgery.

A few days in, almost always, I can find something that says they are sick of being sick. Tired of “sitting around”. Upset with not having their life as planned.

Every flu season, it makes me feel a little tougher. Seriously? Your tired of not feeling well? Preach!

Healthy people come down to my level and are tired of it before a week is over!!!

Being forever ill is not fun. It’s quiet a different life than living healthy.

Listen y’all,

I’ve tried since the beginning of this pandemic not to type my bitter words out, but this shit is getting real.

Things are re-opening. Most claim because they need to go back to work. I get that.

I’ve had money and I’ve had none. The likelihood of me ever having much again is slim.

Because I AM SICK ALL THE TIME!!!

Having money was better for us then having very little.

Allow me also to tell you what I’ve had.

Mono. The Epstein Barr virus. Multiple times.

In 2012, I had the most memorable bout with mono. My body has and will never be the same. It gets so so old.

I’ve read my last post of a “friend”, that covid (corona virus, whatever) is not real or we should not be afraid of it because we believe in Jesus.

I am not afraid of dying.

Did you hear me?

I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of LIVING with more side effects of a virus.

But why would I want to fight another virus?

I watched my mother who had been sick most of her damn life get told she was dying. What did she do or ask for? A Dr Pepper slush she had been restricted from. No carrying on or crying. Y’all. She was tired of being sick. I understood then because I respected her and had gone with her often to medical appointments.

I understand, now, because not being well and wanting more from life is a daily struggle.

What I AM afraid of, is living with ANOTHER virus. A brand new one that could be avoided with some help of hygiene and others wearing a mask FOR ME. I’ve been sick for 8 years and to watch people be tired of taking precautions makes me nauseous.

We (yes, you and I reading this) do not yet know what all this virus can do to the body. We know some.

It’s new.

Every functional, herbal, or western medicine doctor that has taken any extreme interest in my health problems the last 8 years, has asked me, “have you had a virus that was hard to get rid of?”

Why? Because as it turns out; I recovered from a virus BUT never will recover from the lasting effects on my body.

No one in 8 years can give me the same straight answer to why, but for some reason, mono seems to be what kicked off all my further autoimmune issues. I did not know then that I was susceptible to autoimmune.

You may not know, now what you are susceptible to. Maybe Covid will be YOUR kick off.

Do you know if you are? Your children? Your grandchildren? Your parents?

Am I saying we should all cower and live in fear?

Nope. Nope. Nope. But if you would not mind, maybe not tearing down or making fun of the ones of us who don’t crave more of this body mutiny, that would be SO KIND of you.

My life was stolen.

I am alive, but living looks different than it did 8 years ago.

My career, my parenting, my ability to be the person I wanted to be….all stolen with one virus that kicked off an array of debilitating issues in my body.

Am I angry? Sometimes.

But I do not wish this on anyone? I never have.

Or, at least I didn’t used to.

Reading some people’s ugliness on social media about “weakened immune systems and elderly” being at risk and then seeing how the disregard comes into play when you are asked to wear a mask, it’s changing my heart.

I have to block it. I have to unsee it.

A few extra precautions to lessen the spread and white men screaming that the government is invading, is not something I’m going to look at well. You will not convince me it’s Christ like, so please stop bringing Christianity into any of this.

It’s disregard for my life. I am the weak right now in America.

Political side note: Most of these same people claim to be “pro-life”. I can’t begin to tell you how annoying it is to watch them scream about pro-life voting and such and then take blatant disregard for human life through this pandemic. It’s a starling array of hypocrisy.

Whether or not you care? I have no idea.

If you can’t find concern for me, think about wearing a mask for someone that you do love that may not recover or recover well from a virus.

We simply do not know.

Class of 2020 Mommas!

One of the paychecks we get to cash in on being a mom is gratefulness. We don’t always show it or feel it in a timely manner.

05/08/2020

I hear so many people say they lost their mother before she knew how appreciative they were.

Or maybe they didn’t even realize until there was great loss.

Either way, I think Mommas still know.

There is a bit of work that goes into feeling successful at mothering, to say the least; emotional and physical.

When they are little there is so much physical, you often don’t have time to process the emotions.

Yesterday my son completed all his undergrad work. Tyler has been in college longer than he thought he would.

He learned so much more than book knowledge.

He has learned to party safety, love groups of friends, have some conflict with those friends and roommates and work it out himself. He has learned to eat lot when it’s offered and not much when money was tight. Remember those days?

He has learned to see people as human, a diverse group of opinionated people who can still be on one team with something in common because we are all human. We need each other.

He has laughed, cried, stressed, failed and succeeded.

Without the failures, I’m sure he would not be where he is now.

Does anyone actually arrive? Not if they are smart.

You keep growing.

Mary Kay always said, “School is never out for the pro.”

The college path is over, the learning is not.

Now, we grow separately.

He has had friendships that have replaced the need for mom and then times when nothing could. Those days, I got the call.

It has been a ride from the beginning.

Did I do everything right?

No. I tried hard to teach my son that apologies are changed behaviors and not just words.

Anyone can make them, including parents. He has heard his mother say she is sorry. I have tried very hard to make things right when I handled them wrong.

If I over stepped, or under for that matter, I apologized. I still will.

Because you see, I’m learning, also. He is my first. I’m learning to be a parent of an adult child.

I learn my new role as parent just as he learns to be an adult.

It sometimes hurts; they call it growing pains because change is often painful but necessary.

But my journey continues with a happy heart because of one text thread with my boy.

He said, “Thanks”

No matter how many degrees or jobs or how much money I make in life; there will never be anything that replaces the feeling of a grateful child to his mother who has spent every day of the last 23 years trying to be the best mother I could.

My work here is not done, but I’m promoted to a new position.

No one is ever quiet ready, but leaps of faith are the best ones to take.

Cheers, Tyler. Congratulations on so much success behind you and ahead of you.

Most of all, congratulations on processing the failures and learning from mistakes.

You are loved beyond words by this mother of yours.

I may not always be with you, but I am always “with you” somehow in my heart.

Charge forward. One step at a time; but stay grateful.