Sometimes you don’t know it was a “last.” You hear it over and over but feeling it is cringy. You forgot to savor.
Years ago I read a book of BETH Moore’s where she said she woke her kids up every morning. She knew it was controversial. Some would think it was spoiling but when she explained herself I knew I would be doing the same thing for as long as I possibly could. The real world will be so harsh. They will have the rest of their life to wake up to that harsh alarm. While they are with me I can make their mornings a joyful experience. I took it on as my mission.
While I have them set their alarm, I come in right before to make sure their wake up time is pleasant. I have this desire for mornings to be a vision of their purpose for all God can give them for a day; To only see one day at a time and not worry about the future or past.
This morning was my senior’s last day of high school. She jumped out of bed before her alarm. So when I came to wake her, I was excited to see that she was already up and going.
It wasn’t until she left for her final exam that I realized that I had woken her up for school for the last time yesterday. I didn’t know yesterday that it would be the last time.
My baby girl will leave for college in 2 1/12 months. All these mornings of prep will be for her to decide how to wake up, how she will take on the day. I didn’t know to savor it or basque in the moment. I thought it would be this morning.
Mostly I didn’t know that my stoic self would burst into tears as my independent daughter rushed out the door saying, “last day of school, ever”.
Of course I rebutted, “ we never stop going to school in real life,”because I’m THAT mom; but in all actuality, it’s her last.
My heart gleamed with pride, but for some reason, my eyes won’t stop leaking tears down my face.
Motherhood is such a contradiction. It is not for the weak. Sending love to all my fellow proud mommas! Cheer them on with leaky eyes and swollen hearts. I see you! 
Seriously, people. 